So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
