im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
