Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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