Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
