We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
