If that was your dad, he is hot
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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