Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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