Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
