drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Randomize