Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
