why do cheetos always look like penises
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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