Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
