Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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