Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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