And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
