thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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