Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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