Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I puked a lego.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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