That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
