and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
