I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
