Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
