Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
