I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
