Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
