And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
