Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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