Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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