This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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