we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
