Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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