Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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