1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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