I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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