we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
