is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
