if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
