I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Girls should come with a carfax report
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
