Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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