My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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