The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
