oh god the rape fog is back!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
