So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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