My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
