we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
