my mouth tastes like poor choices
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Did I show you my penis last night?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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