my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
