I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
