Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
