after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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