I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
