Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
